What? How did that happen? Christmas again? WHAT?

Christmas. Carols. Illuminated houses. Christmas cards with either snow encrusted fir trees or cute cartoon Australian animals surfing or tending barbeques. Soggy looking Coca-Cola Santas sweating their way through Summer. Carols in the Domain (“Is she?” – Yes, that’s my Dad’s joke.) The frenzy of shopping centres. The panic of present buying. The smell of aging tinsel. Rejection and acceptance letters from funding bodies, theatre venues, theatre companies – often followed with an online Christmas card of smiling staff members. The release of the “Best of…” lists from critics –
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/theatre/take-a-bow-you-deserve-it-20111215-1ovea.html, Award nominations announced: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/theatre/nominations-for-2011-sydney-theatre-awards-20111218-1p0l3.html and bloggers: http://noplain.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/2011-a-year-in-reflection/ and there’s even some crystal balling from others: http://5thwall.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/trendspotting-twenty-twelve/

And it can leave you feeling…. well a bit glum… and you might find yourself absent-mindedly humming/ interrogating youself with that ditty: “And so this is Christmas and what have you done?”

While public servants spend the last few days of December planning their strategically timed days in lieu and leisurely holidays – many artists coil up into a ball of introspection franticly flipping through their 2012 calenders FRETTING: “I’ve GOT NOTHING in 2012!!!”

The panic sets in.

Then the innocent question from ignorant loved ones… “so, when’s your next show?” and that fear squelshes in your stomach, thoughts race in your wrinkled, fevered head –
“WHY AREN’T I A PUBLIC SERVANT? WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHY AM I WORKING SO HARD AND YET I DON’T HAVE AN ANNUAL HOLIDAY BOOKED IN FIJI? WHERE’S MY HELPMANN? WHERE’S MY MERIT CERTIFICATES FROM SCHOOL? WHO KILLED GOD? WHY ARE THERE COCKROACHES IN MY HOUSE? KAFKA, IS THAT YOU CLIMBING ON MY KICTHEN CUPBOARDS? WHY AREN’T I UNDER 26 ANYMORE? WHERE’S MY MENTOR/YODA/HERO/FINANCIAL BENEFACTOR WHO LOVES EVERYTHING I DO AND ANSWERS ALL MY QUESTIONS?”

(Breathe! Breathe! BREEEEEEAAAATHHHHHHHHHHHE!)

Keep calm.
Panic is only interesting for about three sentences. (See above). Also it’s never as bad as you think it is. Christmas, or career anxiety. in these instances I turn to the Desiderata:

In particular :
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.”

Carry on.
Play the long game – you think the ned of the year is the end of your career? Stop thinking like you’re about to die. You’re more robust than that. You have more to offer. Stop expecting to be Geoffrey Rush by the time you are 25! You’ll be ok. You know what? Just carry on. Carry on luggage… both literally – go for a trip somewhere (I’m heading home to a small town near Coffs Harbour) and also start thinking about discarding some of your artistic baggage – start travelling light. What if you removed all expectation of what you’ve done – what you’ve not done – if you removed regret and guilt and only thought about what you want to do/make/say?

What next?
What I’m going to do, is to load up my ancient golden car with snacks, some well-wrapped novelty gifts for my family, my laptop, my swimming costume and my Polski… I’m going to go on a road trip with Jim Morrison, REM, Huey Lewis and Paul Simon and a weird mix tape created for me by a man I’ve never met – Melbourne’s uber cool arts blogger Ace Wagstaff http://deadhareartreview.blogspot.com/ . I’m leaving an artist to housesit my books. I’m taking time out – to not think about what have i done – but what I will Do.

Have a break. Enjoy yourself. And if you’re not sure how, start with amusing yourself with this excellent song from Paul Simon.

PS. Please don’t be annoyed with the “you’ll be ‘right” tone of this post, Augusta. I’m just reminding you, that it’s ok to take a break.